Last time I took MDA was at Wakarusa, six months ago. Today
I celebrated a new annual tradition with a few of the people I consider family.
We each ingested a little over an average dose of MDA and exchanged Christmas presents.
The linguistic net “family” doesn’t capture this bond as
well as the word Tribe does. These people feel like my people. More than blood,
or creed, or political idealization. I’m truly
grateful. I don’t know when it happened, but once I learned how to allow others
close enough, this kind of bond has started weaving its way into most of my
relationships.
Its interesting to play with the metaphysical idea that
destiny is a real energy guiding us monkeys and that we participate in this
dance. When I look back at the experience through the Destiny Goggles (TM lol),
I see some interesting synchronicities. Two separate, unannounced, beautiful
woman showed up at my house the day of the MDA experience. Both separately, and
at different times, ended up sharing stories of their closest intimate
relationships.
The music they sang were songs of miscommunication,
unhappiness, and confusion. So many people I know do not have a single human
they can be completely unguarded around. They don’t have one bond, even with
themselves, where they know they are completely accepted. You can look these
people in the eye and see the part that is begging to be accepted. And you can
see that some crueler part has convinced itself to not dare expose themselves.
We unconsciously attract to us the relationships that fit
our unique dysfunction. I don’t know exactly when the shift occurred in me, but
I give thanks every day, because at some point, I clicked in a way where the
vampires started drifting out of my life and the angels came gliding in.
I know one of the factors that contributed to this shift was
MDA. This chemical, which, like all drugs, are only a catalyst for states of
consciousness our biochemistry is already capable of experiencing, healed the
faulty programs Shame 2.3 and Guilt 2.3 that constantly ran in my subconscious.
The angelic hug MDA gives the nervous system was enough to allow me to accept
me.
“All is metaphor, even this.” And all metaphor is a lame comparison
to the actual experience. These words don’t do justice, and the experience of
complete self-acceptance requires a lot of ground work. But once it is done, your self-love acts as a
kind of planetary gravity that begins to draw to you the souls you are meant to
be around. Or at least my drug-riddled delusional brain thinks so. And the
opposite is true. If your core churns with self-hate, self-condemnation, guilt,
and shame, you will attract to you negative energy, vampires, and other broken,
angry souls.
But playing with the Destiny Goggles (TM lol), lends a
beautiful perspective to all of this. Every challenge, every personal shitty
relationship that collides with our planet, is meant to be. Each challenge is
exactly the challenge we need, right now, to grow in the exact way we need to,
in order to become enough to adequately answer the question the universe has asked itself in the form of our unique biochemistry. But again, only a
perspective, and one that is too optimistic for the self-loathing,
depression-addicted skeptic.
All knowledge are models the finite human projects onto the
infinity to try to make some sense of it. All is debatable, even this. Be brave
enough to choose to play with different reality tunnels. Play with different
models of reality like a child plays with different crayons.
This post was intended to be about the beautiful experience I
shared with some of my tribe. It turned out to be something else entirely, but
still very inspired by my trip last night. I feel overwhelming lucky. I feel
obligated to try to help other people reach this kind of peace. My creative
tool is the written language so I type. These people I call my tribe are people
who have helped me heal myself.
If you have made it to these words, firstly, thank you. I feel
like I rambled and you’re sweet to have stayed with me this far. You have a
creative skill. Feed it. Train it like a Pokemon. Play with it. I think
connecting to this creative energy inside you is one of the ways to start
shifting the gravity you give off. This is one way to shed the muck you may
have stuck to you.
And if you don’t think you are creative, which is a delusion
your ego has accepted likely due to disapproving authority figures in your
childhood, at least play with the Destiny Goggles (TM lol), and see your
struggles as challenges God has given you that will help you grow into the You
you are meant to be.
***
I really missed the mark I was shooting for with this post. But
I trust that this post is exactly what one of you needed and I hope it
resonated. I love you and seriously, read and follow the instructions in The
Artist’s Way. Or spend a year or so
studying Carl Jung and lets talk over mushrooms. Lol. Namasteezy.