I discovered MDA.
Over the course of the last month, I've ingested this interesting amber crystal on 3 occasions. With most experiences of these kinds, things are forgotten and words are poor substitutes. Nothing will compare to you experiencing the experience. As is frequently the case, Terrence McKenna articulates it well.
I'd like to plant a flag before we go on this dance. The word “drug” is bloated. You do drugs. You ingest drugs. You are drugs. Drugs are chemical structures your body knows how to metabolize, and the metabolizing causes changes in consciousness. Sugar, alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine are drugs. They are drugs that are more poisonous than many schedule 1 drugs, like LSD, Psilocybin, Mescaline, and that herb we all hear about. The bedrock I'm trying to dig into is that drugs alter your perspective, and your perspective, that is to say your nervous system, is all you have, and you are doing your life a monumental disservice waving off entire families of chemicals because a reactionary government passed a law almost half a century ago.
Do your research. You have the world's knowledge in your pocket. Tinder will still be there.
Okay, drug stories.
October 10th
A beautiful friend gave me a gram of a crystal called MDA or Sassyafrass. (I'll try not to use the word beautiful too much. It'll be hard.) Enduring the teasing of my girlfriend, I did hours of research before agreeing to put these little geometric structures inside me. Erowid, PIKHAL and Reddit, when used with care, are amazing places to find quality information.
This chemical has an effective dose at 100mgs. It takes about 60-90 minutes for your sensations to start altering. Taking another does of 100mgs every hour or two is a common way to amplify the effects. Taking more than 100mgs at a time or taking more then 2 or 3 additional doses can lead to a feeling of nausea. Don't over do it. The neurochemical flood will come.
Krishna and I were playing Smash Bros while we waited for Sassy to start talking to us, which takes about an hour. After taking our second dose of 100mgs, we found ourselves unable to attack each other in the game. Now it needs to be clear, when sober, Smash bros is a vicious battle where my lady and I share no love. We are immortal enemies destined to battle throughout the aeons. It was hilarious. We couldn't attack each other. We weren't laughing though. We noticed our consciousness changing. It was time to turn off the game.
We each sat on one of two couches and just were. The lowering sun and beautiful Texas evening sky poured into your little home. The sun was setting and the light coming through my window was the stimulus for little visual hallucinations. It was about 7 pm. We were two hours into the trip. The sunlight beaming in looked like sparks, but the visual effects are the least important angle of this drug.
As we were enjoying the fireworks the sun was casting on my wall, I became acutely aware of the drug. I believe drugs have personalities. MDA felt like fluffy, warm Aunt hugging you at a holiday gathering. She was wholly accepting, energetic, and actively seeking to comfort.
The feeling I experienced on this first peak with MDA is a feeling I genuinely understand I will never experience again. You can't experience novelty twice. Words are trite representations of the emotions I felt but I felt real, almost palpable, bliss. I kept repeating “This is beautiful,” “Wow,” and “Oh my God.” For hours. I've never been in that kind of state for so long. I'll reminisce about it the rest of my life.
I felt content. A supreme, total acceptance of the moment. I have a really hard time being content. I feel like I always need to be consuming information, processing information, creating information, or helping others. Content is foreign to me.
There was also an energy in my body that felt gooooood. Like it made you want to say “oooooooooh.” I felt like I was grounded in myself. My body felt whole. It is a difficult feeling to describe. When I'm sober, my legs feel separate from my arms, my arms separate from my neck, and so on. While on Sassy, my body felt integrated. I really enjoyed this.
Of the three trips on Sassy, this was the most emotional. The chemical opens communication up. This is the greatest aspect of this and MDMA. You will be able to say and express things you have never thought were even there to express.
Krishna and I talked for hours about ourselves, our families, how they effect us, and we extracted quite a few gems that I hold to me still. I remember saying a few times how I needed to give this to my family. Now sober, the idea still interests me.
The day after, you will cry. Something will cause you to cry. Enjoy it.
October 17th
We wanted to share. Krishna brought a close, curious friend with us for our next experiment. Lets call her Daisy. I don't know Daisy well but there is a lot one can infer from a very attractive, but very quite girl. There is a sadness there. She had never done a psychedelic before. This would be a good chemical to begin with. She was going to have a special time.
We dosed ourselves the same as last week, same room, and same time of day; two doses of 100mgs, my living room, and around 5 pm. We did tweak the setting with some music, Bon iver and Phantogram.
Krishna, Daisy and I positioned ourselves around
my living room on various couches and relaxed while our bodies did the alchemy.
I love being with people who take powerful substances for the first time. I'm fascinated by how they attempt to articulate the experience, how they react to the emotions, and I like helping if it is needed.
Daisy was reacting as anyone would. The magnitude of the love and warmth you feel would shake tears from anyone. We all have so much we hide, censor, and judge about ourselves. Even a moment of true relief is enough to bring anyone to tears. She told us she didn't know why she was crying. I can never begin to guess what happened to her over the course of the next 6 hours, but there was crying.
We talked about her ego, her family, her relationships, and her life. We complimented. We cried. We all fell in love with each other. We were, for a couple of hours, what the word family aspires to mean. We all did some healing that day.
The day after, we all had our moments where we cried. It happens. Enjoy it.
Oh, and the transference from the drug to the music we listened too now makes Bon Iver and Phantogram some of the best artists I can enjoy at the moment.
October 30th
There was a third gathering. 5 of us. That story I'll share another time.