Memorize anything in minutes!

Are you interested in being able to memorize the order of a deck of cards in under a minute? Do you want to impress that beautiful math obsessed hourglass-figure female neighbor who only puts out if you can recite the first 20 digits of pi? Are you tired of sensationalistic web titles obviously whoring out for page views? If you answered yes, fuck yes, and hell no, this blog post is for you!

Like other websites with similar titles, allow me to disappoint you. You can accomplish the above feats with the techniques I'm about to show you but only with dedication and practice, and well, its 2013 and that one reality show you like that obviously isn't scripted is on tonight. So for the practical, this little trick will allow you to memorize whatever it is you want to or have to in a drastically shorter time and it can even be a little fun for the nerdier amongst us. 

For memorizing numbers, step 1 starts with learning the Major System and using Chunking. The Major System is a Mnemonic technique that matches varying consonant with numbers 0-9. You then chunk the numbers in groups of 3 or 4 and allow the consonant sounds to create a word.

NumeralIPAAssociated ConsonantsMnemonic
0/s/ /z/s, z, soft c"z" is the first letter of zero. The other letters have a similar sound.
1/t/ /d/t, dt & d have one downstroke and sound similar (some variant systems include "th")
2/n/nn has two downstrokes
3/m/mM has three downstrokes and looks like a "3" on its side
4/r/rlast letter of four, also 4 and R are almost mirror images of each other
5/l/lL is the Roman Numeral for 50
6/ʃ/ /ʒ/
/tʃ/ /dʒ/
she, vision, chew, geea script j has a lower loop / g is almost a 6 rotated
7/k/ /ɡ/k, hard c, hard g, hard "ch", q, qucapital K "contains" two sevens (some variant systems include "ng")
8/f/ /v/f, vscript f resembles a figure-8. V sounds similar.
9/p/ /b/p, bp is a mirror-image 9. b sounds similar and resembles a 9 rolled around
UnassignedVowel sounds, w,h,y,xThese can be used anywhere without changing a word's number value
* courtesy of the University accepted source dump known as Wikipedia

(Dont let the chart scare you away, this technique isn't necessary and the easier and more applicable parts are coming.)

 Now you may be wondering, "Silver Screen with which I stare into for more than 8 hours a day, why do I want to turn numbers into words?" I'll answer that, apathetic, falsely diagnosed ADHD youth, "To make words, sweet, short, text friendly words."

So whenever you want to memorize words, be it for your job at roadhouse (shout out to the Ashley for getting dat job, YUUHH) or that final that you've probably already taken (my bad), use the Method of Loci. Basically, use a familiar location or the one you're currently in, and create ridiculous images with the words you want to remember, and place it in a spot in whichever location you chose. Say you want to memorize some Noble gases. I'd use my house as the loci (location). I'd imagine a helium balloon in my entrance, a stripper club friendly neon light in the living room, the Pokemon argon (Pokemon reference, hello ladies) in my dining room, and a spear of kryptonite impaling Superman in my kitchen. I'll stop there, chances are either you get it, or more likely, you stopped reading this awhile ago in which case this sentence is pointless.

TL:DR version:
Create wacky thus memorable images with the words you wish to memorize.
Place the images into spots along a path within a location. 
Donate to my broke ass.

Books to read if you're really interested:
The 4 Hour Chef
Moonwalking with Einstein