Still Lost.

I feel a little lost in life. 

I know its not a unique perspective. The one where the economic promises that enticed our parents and their parents simply don't allure us. The promise that if we work hard, likely at a spiritually unfulfilling position, we will be able to afford a home -- pending the grace of a morally sound loan lender. And with this new home and debt, we will have a place to raise a family, and everyone wants to raise a family.

I'm even less fit to be a parent then I am to be a meal preparer. Why is it that there are more societal  requirements to allow an 18 year-old to make someone a McDouble then it is for that same 18 year old to summon a soul from nonexistence? I'm talking about fucking. I'm talking about that thing scientists claim genes use our flesh sacs for (1). I'm talking about procreation.

We do not give enough attention to the idea. The responsibility of raising a child is monumental. Especially now. We are living in a world that is changing, growing in complexity, at a quicker rate than any recorded time in history. We don't have brains equipped to grasp the width of depth of useful, even common, knowledge. More content is being created in 2 days than what existed throughout all of mankind since recorded history up to 2003 (2).

What chance does your child have, spending hours every day being raised by an blue screen, to understand our world? We've got social taboos for little Jimmy to memorize. We have an arbitrary economic system Daisy better understand quickly if she doesn't have nice legs and a Freudian fascination with lollipops.

I used to think my ultimate goal was to be a good father. A part of me still wants that, but what if being a good father is choosing to not ever become a father? No over emotionality here. Pragmatically, is this a world that needs a partial genetic copy of me? A partial genetic copy that will absorb all my bias and bigotry and stupidity? And my debt. Or can the planet use a generation of mankind choosing to hold off on fucking copying themselves. Or is the earth going to be okay, and its us who could really use a generation to not reproduce. (3)

Most of us don't grow spiritually beyond 18. We still completely identify with the ego as self. We still take offense. We are emotional children. We want and expect. We get upset when reality doesn't meet our expectations. We are petty. We, etrophy ridden material bags, waste priceless and finite time on saying rude shit about other flesh bodies. The things we say about other people that we intend to be insulting reveal our own pettiness, the narrowness of our perspectives, as quickly as genuinely shouting nigger or sneering faggot. We have no moral high ground. We are all equal, standing zombified on The Plain of No Self-Awareness. To be fair, some are passed-out-drunk.

If you have a child, this is not an attack. It is only a stream-of-consciousness. In my infrequent moments of self-awareness I wouldn't judge you. Thats genuine. I do hope that you selflessly give yourself to the task of raising this child as best you can. I mean, the data shows you only need to be on your best performance those first 6 years (4). Its funny how sound logic, statistics, and behaviorism can proclaim that last sentence with seriousness and ladened positive intentions.

I'm doing too much telling. We are too prideful to be told. We want to be shown.

1) In Richard Dawkins The Selfish Gene, he argues that humans are a byproduct of the natural compulsion of genes to reproduce. Genes are the puppet masters and we are the puppets.

2) Eric Schmidt wrote an article on this idea. Information may be defined vaguely in his article. I don't know how useful my Flappy Bird High Score is, but that counts as information. Not quite Ulysses or Finnegan's Wake.

3) "A child born in the United States will create thirteen times as much ecological damage over the course of his or her lifetime than a child born in Brazil"

4) For a shot of science on the issue of raising children, check out this infographic